Britney Spears: Her Lips Have a Life of Their Own

There is some sort of political thing happening on TV right now, and I feel like today and in the days to come we may need as much distractions as we can get. So I'm finally going to give the people what they want. A Britney post. I didn't even know how to broach the subject, but it hit me like two floppy sardines injected with filler...her new lips.

 

Listen, I know you can't slow the hands of time. Hey, I feel it myself, and I wasn't ever the queen of pop. So I get the concept of not feeling like you don't look as fresh faced as you used to. I GET IT. But Britneys new lip injections are a calamity of the highest order. They're duck-faced. Its like that old Olsen twin look where they used to say PRUUUUNE to get the pouty duck-face before duck-face was cool. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

Brit trying to cover up her sad lip disaster in an instagram post

 And the thing about it is that you can tell she's embarrassed about it. I follow her on instagram, and you can tell the difference between the pictures she posts (like the one above) and the pictures other people take of her. She is always covering up her lips, or making goofy faces that downplay her lips. She honestly kind of reminds me of Amy Poehler in mean girls. She's all "I'm a cool mom" and whatever. Listen, I love Britney forever and ever and ever. But I'm sad to see her so self conscious about destroying her face. I thought she was somehow immune to that.

Trying to hide her lips with some sad mom poses on instagram

I think she had some chin stuff and cheek stuff done too, but its all just downplayed by those giant floppy labias.

And I do LOVE her instagram feed. I need to do another post on her instagram feed. She's actually really cute. Like a 10 year old that you gave your phone to and said she could take pictures of whatever she wants. Except that she is a mother of two. I just love it so much. She posts the dumbest stuff, and I'm constantly asking myself if this is real or someone is doing this for her. But the answer is so obvious and simple. Nobody could out-Britney Britney.

So I'm sad about her lips but I guess happy she's still around. I'll take any Britney I can get. But my last blog was during they heyday of 2007, and nothing is ever going to replace the day by day antics of pink wig-wearing, British accent, dirty paparazzi-dating, gum-chewing 2007 Britney. The hair extensions falling out, Kevin Federline fiasco, flip-flop wearing with pink lip gloss. Gone but not forgotten:

Flashback: Britney's big comeback interview...where she decided she didn't need any hair, makeup, stylists, or coaches. All the words are her own. And by that I of course mean she just sits there with yes and no answers and poor Matt Lauer is trying to feed her words to save the interview.

I miss that so much. So yes, I'll take the lips. I'll take the lips.

- Genesis Pulsifer