Who Is: Ariana Grande?

Guys, who is Ariana Grande? I see the name a lot and at this point I can pick out her face in a small crowd, but who is she? I'm pretty certain she is a singer, but from the memes I see, she is not a very good one. She did lick a donut and put it back and that was frowned upon by the world bc it was...un-American? Who is she dating? Is she just a shitty teenager with some good luck? Lets investigate.

Who is this person? What can we tell from one picture?

She's young. She's skinny. She's got that vaguely ethnic thing that goes well these days. She attended The Grammy's at some point based on this picture. She has one dimple. She overdoes her eyebrows (I know people think these are "on fleek" but I say if you're going to have huge eyebrows they should be bushy and unkept - go for the gold).

So according to wikipedia her breakout role was in a Nickelodeon show called Victorious. She practices Kaballah bc she was raised Catholic but her brother is gay so she doesn't like their stance on the gay thing. She has a wide vocal range so some have called her a "Young Mariah Carey". You know I immediately went to see what the queen of sass has to say about that:

I tried to google "does ariana grande have any good songs" and it just resulted a bunch of her top ten songs. So lets listen to the #1 song on the first list I click on:

Ariana Grande - Love Me Harder

I don't know. I listened to about 15 second and got bored. She seems Ok. Lets move on to what we really need to know: how does she stand in the mind of Taylor Swift? This is a tricky question.
March 2015 she was interviewed with what seemed like support for Katy Perry during the KP vs Tay Tay feud (I don't remember it either...whatever). That article says that she was pretty much having bestie sleepovers with Tay Tay before that...maybe something about bonding backstage of a victorias secret fashion show. Weird. That does remind me of something where a person ducked down during a fashion show, and I think it might have been Ariana Grande. Lemme check.

Ariana Grande is scared of the gigantic models at Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2014

Yessss....she did do that for sure. It was approximately the most interesting thing to happen in a VS fashion show ever. That shit is boring as hell.
So moving on. She was interviewed in March 2016 saying she would love to join the Tay Tay Squad, and they seem really nice.
So IDK for real.  It seems like this Ariana Grande is kind of on the outskirts of the squad. But she doesn't strike me a "fierce" enough to be in the inner circle. A piece of cheese seems more intriguing.

She seems like her little sorority sister or something lame. Honestly if I hadn't already put so many minutes into this post I'd delete it. This is boring. Is anyone still reading?
Let's move on to love interests.
A quick google search showed that September 2014 she confirmed on the Ellen show that she was dating long time friend Mac Miller. Who the HELL is that?
Yet another google search says he is a rapper who goes by the pseudonym Larry Fisherman. Yeah. Real cool, guy. He looks like this:

All right. I'm done with this person.

In Summary:
Interesting: No
Tay Squad: Periphery at best
Dating life: Scrubs only

-Genesis Pulsifer